


And The Sun Shines Rings Around Your Smile

by queenklu



Series: Half the Chance to Go [3]
Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: First Time, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-09-20
Updated: 2010-09-20
Packaged: 2017-10-12 01:40:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,805
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/119375
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/queenklu/pseuds/queenklu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i>Yeah, he makes that noise, all by himself. Also, he's now six years old and unable to articulate his feelings.</i></p><p>Threequel to <a href="http://archiveofourown.org/works/119371">Half the Chance to Go</a>.</p>
            </blockquote>





	And The Sun Shines Rings Around Your Smile

**Author's Note:**

> Title lovingly stolen from Pieces by Dan Powell.

Jensen is dreading breaking up with Danneel more than any other breakup he’s ever had to initiate, and he won’t let himself think about why.

 

Leaving Jared’s house—and it is Jared’s house, it always kind of was—feels like stepping directly into Canadian autumn from Texas summer, but he’s not thinking about that either. Okay, yeah he is. Mostly he’s thinking about…not so much leaving, but what happened right before. That hug in the kitchen, Jared chowing down on a bowl of cereal with a big goofy smile covered in Frosted Wheat that he probably couldn’t even taste. Or maybe Jensen’s the only one whose taste buds get shot when he’s…

 

 _“Rahhh_.” Yeah, he makes that noise, all by himself. Also, he’s now six years old and unable to articulate his feelings.

 

Two hours he’s been in the— _home_ , he’s been home for two hours and he hasn’t called Danny yet. He has, however, alphabetized his DVDs, even though he keeps getting hung up on the ones he misses and belatedly remembers aren’t his.

 

Nervous isn’t the right word. He feels literally twisted up, this huge knot of tension in his spine just under his ribcage where Jared patted his back on the way out of the door. This is not normal. This has never been normal. But it’s not exactly new.

 

He wishes he could blame someone for this dating idea—like maybe if Chris had come up with it first it wouldn’t make him such a moron for suggesting it. For…okay, for _wanting_ it so bad.

 

If he waits long enough, maybe Danneel will magically call him. He’s still thinking that when he dials, and then again when he puts the phone to his ear just so he has something in his brain at all.

 

And _still_ , when she picks up on the second-and-a-half ring with an absent “Hey, baby, what’s up?” like she’s in the middle of picking out an outfit, what comes out of his mouth is, “Nothing.”

 

She’s quiet for a moment, too quiet, like she’s stopped whatever she’s doing and Jensen hunches over his knees and swallows a sigh that’d unravel him. “Okay,” she says slowly, finally, “Alright, Jensen, I’ve known you for how many years? Four before we even started dating, and—sorry, honey, you don’t just call without a reason. Especially lately.”

 

That last part sounds…not good. Or— “Uh, yeah, sorry. About that, Danny. I’ve been really busy lately and—”

 

All of a sudden it hits him like a kick in the fucking gut what she just said. His jaw snaps shut. Probably against whatever’s surging up in his throat.

 

“Can we just…break up already please?” Danneel asks, and it’s supposed to be flippant and annoyed but it just comes out _sad_ , and Jensen can see in perfect crystalline detail how much worse it’s going to be if he and Jared end. If they actually start. The back of his throat and eyes burns, aches, and his shoulder blades feel like paper when he can’t even tell himself the shudder of breath is for her.

 

“I’m so sorry. I’m _so_ sorry.” Feels like Jared’s voice, definitely his words, maybe, and what if, god, what if—

 

“Jen, hey, hey…” And it really makes him sick that she feels like the one who needs to comfort him instead of the other way around. He wants her _there_ suddenly, wants to wrap her up tight in a hug and not think about how small she is in his arms. “It’s okay, baby,” but her voice is breaking and she almost-laughs. “No, really Jensen, it’s okay. Maybe we were just too good at being friends, you know?”

 

He _doesn’t_. He won’t let himself. He’s going to sit here and cling to the way it felt on the set of Ten Inch Hero, the way everything was bright and colorful and _fun_ , the way it only ever was on Supernatural and nothing else he’d worked on, ever. It was freeing—like Sam at Stanford—that knowledge that he could be happy somewhere else, that he could have normal.

 

“I’m not going to fall out of your life, Jensen,” she promises before he can say any of that, then, “Do you think you could just…send my stuff when you get a chance?”

 

“Yeah,” he says, pinching the bridge of his nose, “Yeah, of course, Danny. Anything.”

 

He can feel her softening ten thousand miles away through a phone line at that, knows if he was there she’d be smiling at him. When she says, “Thank you,” it feels like _Thanks for the memories_ , and great, he’s a fall out boy.

 

Too good at being friends. Fan-fucking-tastic.

 

Jensen stands up at the dial tone, edgy and sick, rubs his hands on his jeans even though he’s still holding the phone. Fuck. _Fuck_. He’s the one who told Jared to be sure, and now—

 

He never unpacked the box with Danneel’s name on it, telling himself she’d want to organize her own things when she came down next even though every hour Jared flew closer made Jensen fidgety with getting things done so he could meet him at the door. He hadn’t been planning to… _ask Jared out_ , Christ. Shit, fuck, god _damn_ it, how was he—how is he so stupid?

 

He’s not paying attention to what he’s seeing, fingers on autopilot punching in the code for his voicemail because, hey, that little icon means missed message, and he’s definitely not thinking when he puts it to his ear.

 

 _ “Fuck. Um.”  _

 

Jensen’s brain miraculously shuts up.

 

 _ “I’m sorry, I— Hey.”  _

 

That’s Jared’s voice. And even though he sounds the seven kinds of fucked up Jensen feels, that soft exhale when he tries to smile makes Jensen calm, quiet. Okay. 

 

 _ “Hey, just wanted to—check in. Um. I’m home and…you are too, you know, in your new…home and…um. Kind of pathetic really. I’m…I’m missing my best friend and—wondering if, you uh, if you want to come over. Shit. I know it’s kinda late…” _

 

His best friend, best because they’re so good at it, but he and Danny never needed each other like he and Jared do.

 

Jensen didn’t hear all of this the first time, barley caught the tail end about cereal and codependency Jared’s babbling now, so Jensen closes his eyes and lets the words flow through him, washing some of the panic from his veins. 

 

 _ “I don’t—Jesus, Jensen, I don’t know why you left.” _

 

Jensen does. He thought they needed this. Still thinks that, sort of. Maybe not for the same reasons. He’s known for a while that Jared has the power to fuck him up bad, and he’s always, _always_ trusted Jared not to do it. 

 

He never unpacked Danneel’s things.

 

“Hey,” he breathes the instant Jared picks up, and has to grin when Jared makes a noise like he’s choking on Frosted Flakes. “Bad time?”

 

“Uh…” There’s a tremor in Jared’s voice before he coughs, a nervous little laugh that makes Jensen’s smile turn helpless. “Wallowing. You stole all my Die Hard movies.”

 

“I left you the box set!”

 

“I like them individually packaged,” Jared says like the massive dork he is, and Jensen feels that sharp, bright burst in his stomach again from this morning when he woke up in Jared-scented sheets.

 

“Hey,” he says again, this time with his very own shake to it that isn’t so much panic as honest to god normal-ass nerves. “What are you doing tonight?”

 

“Why? Are you free?” He can tell Jared’s not really paying attention the right amount of attention, sounds like he’s maybe fighting with Harley for something, or he would’ve turned that into, “Are you _free?”_

 

“Yeah,” he says, answering that question anyway. “But you aren’t. Pick you up at seven?”

 

This time Jared chokes on nothing at all, and Jensen has to—gets to—wait for him to stop coughing to get an answer. It’s definitely one worth waiting for.

 

“The _fuck_ am I the girl! I’m ten feet taller than you, dude!”

 

Jensen flushes warm all over at the conversation they’re going to have to have about top vs. bottom, quick shoots back, “I asked, that means I wear the pants.”

 

“Not literally, I hope.” Jared doesn’t even get the innuendo, and Jensen’s snorting so hard he almost misses Jared’s grumble about not looking good in a skirt and, “ _What_?”

 

“We’ll work ourselves up to no pants, okay?” Jensen chuckles, maybe a little hysterically, and it’s like he’s in the room already watching Jared turn red.

 

“Shut up,” comes out muffled, like he’s got a hand over his face. “Make me stupid,” is even quieter, but it makes Jensen feel like the one who’s ten feet tall.

 

“Hey, want to come over and play Madden?” Jared asks when they’ve both got their shit together. “I’ve got a hot date at seven, but I’m free til then.”

 

He doesn’t actually sound like he thinks Jensen will say yes, which is good, because he has things to do and disappointing Jared isn’t on the list. “You’re cute.”

 

“Hence the hot date.” Jared’s quiet a moment and Jensen feels fragile, like a soap bubble. A girly little soap bubble.

 

“Jared,” he cuts in just as Jared takes a breath to speak, but he doesn’t actually have words for what he wants to say.

 

“Yeah,” Jared says like he heard him anyway, and Jensen can hear his smile go wider than Texas, “I—yeah. Me too.” 

 

Jensen swallows something hot and tight. “See you at seven?”

 

Jared laughs like _you even have to ask?_ but Jensen does, feels a little dizzy with it until Jared jumps back in with, “Oh, hey. What do you think I should wear on my very first gay date? I might have to go shopping or some shit. Can I come borrow something of yours?”

 

“Ten thousand pink shirts in your wardrobe and you’re asking me for normal colored clothing that won’t fit you?”

 

If they were in the same room together Jared would be giving him a look that said it all, but since they aren’t he has to actually use his grown-up words. “ _Duh._

 

“Hey, wild idea, you could drop by and help me pick something out.”

 

“You’re very subtle.”

 

“I think so.”

 

Jensen has a feeling he’s still going to be on the phone with Jared when he shows up on his doorstep, but as long as Jared’s voice is in his ear, that’s kind of okay. Couples—and if that word doesn’t send sparks down his spine—talk on the phone all the time. This is…a good start. By the rules.

 

“Mine is an evil subtlety,” Jared intones, and Jensen laughs like he can’t help it, because he really can’t.


End file.
